A Confession

I have a small confession to make.

There is a part of me that does not want this baby to come on Friday. And it has nothing to do with being anxious about the c-section.

It has everything to do with how fast I know he will grow. And with the fact that he will probably be my last.

I know what will happen. He will be born, I'll blink my eyes, and he'll be six months old. I'll blink again and he'll be walking. It just goes too fast. They are newborn for such a short time, that I'm not ready for it to begin.

It doesn't seem possible that Sam will be three in a few weeks. It seemed like I was pregnant for a very long time with him, and now, he's a preschooler. I imagine it will be the same with Benjamin.

But, there's no way to stop it- only to enjoy every day. I guess as an "older" mother, this is an advantage. Because I do know how fast babies grow, I tend to take a little more time enjoying each stage, instead of wishing for the next phase.

Yes, a part of me doesn't want him to come so he doesn't start growing, but it's a very small part. I am anxiously waiting to hold him, and to finally lay eyes on this baby that I started loving almost 9 months ago.

(Pictures of the kitchen tomorrow- I'm just too tired tonight. Paul did a great job on the trim work and it looks soooo nice!)