November 13

November 13 is a memorial date in my life. It was on this date in 2003 that I lost the 11 week old baby I was carrying. It was a traumatic time, full of emotion and questioning. I had already delivered 4 healthy babies and just assumed that this baby would be the same.



I remember thinking that I just didn't understand it. Why would God give me a baby that I didn't ask for, just to take it right away? I questioned God over and over, wondering why this had to happen. I never got any specific answers. I could guess the reasons, but I don't know the mind of God. I did, however, receive the "peace that passess all understanding" after a few weeks. God was very gracious with me and I was soon able to thank Him for the gift of that baby and also that He had taken it away.



I had not shed tears over that baby in a long time- until last Sunday morning. I had been thinking about the baby, as I tend to do this time of year, so it was fresh in my mind. During the Communion service last Sunday morning, we sang the song, "How Great Thou Art". When we came to the phrase, "When Christ shall come, with shout of acclamation and take me home, what joy shall fill my heart" I immediatly thought of going home and finally getting to meet my baby, and the tears just flowed.



Paul and I have said that this baby is our only child that we don't have to worry about. That baby is living such a blessed life, to be in the presence of the Father. I'm so thrilled for the baby, but must admit that I still feel a bit sorry for me. At times I just feel empty and I know it is because my arms ache to hold that child.



But, life must and does go on. There are others to care for, things that must get done. But I like to, on this date every year, remember the joy that sweet little baby gave me for 11 short weeks and thank God for His gift of life.