Saturday, April 23, 2011

Raising Godly Tomatoes

Strange title for a book, isn't it? Especially a book on child training.

I have been reading a lot of books lately on parenting. I feel almost desperate for more information, more encouragement, more how to's. I've been a mother for over 21 years, yet at times I feel like I don't know what I'm doing anymore.

I want to do a good job with the children I have left at home. I have 3 young children, 2 of which are very young, and I want to do a better job with them than I did with the older ones. But, at the same time, I have 2 who are not young and require different training than the younger ones do and different training than their older brothers did.

It's overwhelming at times. And frustrating. But I don't want to be frustrated- I want to be joyful and confident.

Wednesday night, one of my good friends asked if I had ever read this book. I hadn't, but I had read the website so I was kind of familiar with the author. I took the book and began reading that night.

I cannot recommend this book enough for those with young children. Her methods are Biblical and easy. Well, easy in that there is not much to remember. She likens children to tomatoes, who have to be staked in order to grow properly. Children do to. And they are staked when they are by their mother/father all the time. Yes, all. the. time. How else can I correct wrong behavior when I don't see it? How can I correct a young child when it's not done immediately? She says young children only have one rule to follow: obey mom and dad. That's it.

So I've been watching my young children closely for a few days. What I've noticed is disheartening. I've allowed wrong attitudes and behaviors simply because I wasn't aware of them or because I've been distracted. (Lest you think poorly of me, my distractions have been laundry and cooking and cleaning and schooling!) But child training has to take priority. It's the only lasting thing from these years. I can clean all day and the house be dirty tomorrow. I can launder all day and the hampers be filled before I go to bed tonight. (Now, I know these things need to be done, they just don't need to take priority over child training,)

If you have young children, you need this book. It's a must have for families. I've already seen improvement in my little boys and look forward to begin training with Emma.

Who knew, at the age of 44, I'd have the privilege of training young children??


Anonymous said...

well, I have taken up some of your training as did a good job with
Zach, I am doing the practical, close doors, turn off lights, pick up, pick up, pick up. etc.
Remember those days, I am sure I could have done mothering much kinder, but at the time, well you plus ministry. Love you, and am proud of all the ways my grandchildren are being raise to love God.

Gretchen said...

I've never heard of that one, either! I'll have to see if we have it at LifeWay. I just finished reading "Everyday Talk" by Younts which was just OUTSTANDING. I am a new mom, and I haven't read very many parenting books, but an older wiser mom friend recommended it. I love it that you are training those little ones at 44! :) Hope I'm doing the same in another 10 years.

Sarah D said...

I hope you read more of this book, and realized what a damaging book it is. I know Mrs. Krueger, and I grew up with her and her kids. We all were a part of the same fundamentalist cult that she and her children are still a part of, led by a man named Joe LaQuiere. He used emotional, spiritual and physical abuse to control his followers. Mrs. Krueger took some of his methods, softened them up a bit to make them more palatable, and is selling them as “good parenting advice”. It isn’t. My parents used these methods with me and with my siblings: they caused developmental delays with one of my brothers. Nearly all of my siblings today have great difficultly in making independent decisions. Two are seriously depressed and have been in and out of therapy for years. This kind of control-based parenting relies on shaming, pain aversion, and classic conditioning techniques that are absolutely inappropriate to use on children. It is damaging and harmful to children. It doesn’t allow children to develop in healthy ways, but stunts their emotional (and moral) growth. PLEASE do not recommend this book to anyone, and for goodness' sake, don't use it with your children! Try something like "Families Where Grace is In Place" or "Give Them Grace: Dazzling Your Children with the Love of Jesus!" instead - both EXCELLENT books that teach us to show our children the same grace and mercy that God shows us :)

Anonymous said...

I am familiar with some of these techniques. Not a good idea. Too much control can become a family idol and the children suffer. I would speak with the authors children and learn the true fruit of laquiere's teaching if I were you. Read a little about Bill Gothards misadventures as well. and the Duggars and the Pearls, and the other home-school/separatist pseudo-cults that over focus on childrens behavior------------then run.