Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Dear People

Dear man sitting behind me at the movies,

I understand your being out of shape and breathing hard for an extended length of time.   I understand your incessant crunching of your popcorn.  What I don't understand is the foul odor that accompanied you to your seat.  There is a simple fix for that.  It's called taking a shower.

Lady with her head in the popcorn bag trying to escape  foul odor

Dear lady in front of me in line at Goodwill,

I understand you're trying to pinch pennies.  We all are- otherwise we wouldn't be shopping at Goodwill.  What I don't understand is you digging.  And digging.  And digging.  in your purse for several minutes to fish out the coins at the bottom.  WHEN YOU ARE HOLDING A DOLLAR BILL IN YOUR HAND.  Really?  It doesn't make sense.  Think about it.

The lady hyperventilating behind you because I'M IN A HURRY

Dear 4 year old who slept in my bed the other night,

I love you with everything in me.  I'd die for you without giving it a thought.  However, sleeping with you is another story because YOU. NEVER. STOP. MOVING.  All night long.  Most of those movements are your feet kicking my back.  A mother's love is amazing; however, this mom draws the line at co-sleeping.

Your tired mom with circles under her eyes trying to make it through the day in one piece

Dear elderly couple driving 5mph across the spillway,

The bumps won't hurt your nice car.  You can go a little faster so the rest of us can make it to church on time.  My husband usually flies across here and it doesn't hurt his truck.  I know you're just trying to take care of your car, but I need to make it to church on time.  I'm the preacher's wife, you know.

The preacher's wife who is trying to sneak into the back of the church unnoticed with a noisy 2 year old.

Dear unsavory men in a white pickup that tried to follow me into our neighborhood by tailgating me when my transponder made the gate go up,

I bet you didn't think I'd stop in the middle and yell at you.  Honestly, I was a little surprised too.  But thankfully you did turn around and leave before I took control of my senses.  I must have been having a bad day and needed to take my aggressions out on someone.  Thankfully, it was someone who deserved it.

The lady in the gray minivan yelling her head off at you to turn around

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