Sunday, January 19, 2014

#8

The first week of December, my younger kids came down with some sort of virus.  Over the next few days, it spread to Anna, Ellie and Paul.  I thought I had escaped it, which was great, because we were leaving for Kansas in a few days.  I woke up on Friday, feeling strange.  Something was going on with my stomach, and I felt so tired and weak.  I figured I had a touch of what everyone else had and was sure I'd feel better in a day or two.

This lasted through the weekend and into Monday.  I hesitated to say anything because I didn't want anything to interfere with our trip, and I just knew I'd feel better the next day.

I didn't, but I didn't feel bad enough to cancel the trip, so we left.  I was ok, just tired out and that something "strange" in my stomach.  We stopped at McDonald's a few hours into the trip for lunch.  I wasn't really hungry, but I ate a salad.  As I was sitting there, I realized my lower back was hurting.  Hmmm.  I must be sitting oddly in the driver's seat I thought.

I got up to walk to the van to get my water bottle to fill it up.  As I was walking across the room, a thought hit me like a ton of bricks.  "This feels like morning sickness".  Um, REALLY?  I mean, I was late, but that was not an unusual occurance since I hit 45.  The thought that I might be pregnant had NEVER crossed my mind.  There was nothing I could do at the time, so we got back in the van and continued driving.  I told myself that if I still felt like this tomorrow, I was buying a pregnancy test.

The next morning, I still felt like that. We stopped at a Walmart in Saint Louis.  I was able to get away from the girls and secretly bought a pregnancy test which I then proceeded to take.  By this point, I already knew it would be positive, but when that plus sign appeared, I. Was. Shocked.

I was far away from home, far away from Paul and in total shock and denial.  I had to talk to Paul, but there was no reception in the store.  I told the girls I would meet them in the van and walked outside and called him.

"You are never going to believe this" I said.  "What?"  He replied, all manner of situations running through his head.

"I took a pregnancy test."  "Oh really?  Why?  And, what did it say?"

"Paul.  Do you think I would call you if it was negative????"

Silence.  I thought we had been disconnected, but no.  He was trying not to run the truck off the road.

We talked.  I cried.  He reassured me.  I felt anything but reassured, and now I had to get back in the van and pretend nothing life changing had just happened.  And I did and we made it to Kansas and all the time I was trying to figure out what had just happened.

I won't pretend and tell you I was thrilled.  I was scared.  I am 47 and I have two children getting married this summer.  My plan was to lose the rest of this weight before the weddings; my plan was NOT to be big pregnant at the weddings.  My plan was to move happily into the next phase of my life, spending time with my children and husband and enjoying having older children.

I struggled to see pregnancy as a blessing.  I had no problem seeing a new baby as a blessing; it's the pregnancy that I was not happy about.  And quite honestly, I was not looking forward to people's reactions; and I was a bit embarrassed- having children in their mid' 20's while having a new baby.

Sunday was my Dad's birthday and my brother preached.  He basically preached to my dad, but I told him he was not preaching to my dad- he was preaching straight to me.  The title of his sermon was "Never too Old" and talked about embracing whatever God has for you, no matter what age.  And the point that really spoke to me was that we need to celebrate what God has given us.  Hello???  Right. To. Me.  That really freed me from my concerns and worries and let me celebrate another baby- and that is worth celebrating.

I told my parents and my sister and brother and a few others, but we decided to keep it quiet at home.  I was not ready to go public.  Paul would have shouted it from the rooftops, but he respected my wishes and waited.  I wanted to wait until I was through the first trimester which would have been in about 3 weeks.  But then I realized that today was Sanctity of Life Sunday- and what a perfect time to announce our new baby.  The entire church was thrilled for us!  What an encouragement to me that was.  I will treasure all the hugs and encouragement I received today.

As near as I can figure, the baby is due the middle of August- right in the middle of a hot Georgia summer.  So far, this has been the mildest cast of morning sickness I have ever experienced!  And, my blood pressure has been fine- on no medicine! 

You can pray for me and the baby and for our family.  We have two weddings and a baby, all within a short amount of time.  We need LOTS of grace!

2 comments:

Elizabeth said...

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Chuck said...

Congratulations to you and Paul - I can't imagine the emotions but you are both great parents and not only will you be blessed by this baby, the child will be blessed to have you as a parent.