May 30th

Some thoughts to the baby I miscarried. 3 years ago today was his due date.


Today we should be having a three year olds birthday party. Today we should be wrapping toy trucks and baking a cake and getting ready for the party. Today we should be celebrating another child in our family. Today, none of that will happen.


Today was your due date- would it have been your birth date?

I'm not even sure you were a boy.

A child not held,
A baby not kissed,
A soul not born.

How can I have a child who I've not seen?
A baby I've never met?
A part of me I'll not know.

Will you know me when I get there?
Are you watching us right now?
Do you even understand your life?
Eleven short weeks was all you had.
Dreams, plans, all over in an instant.

I look back on your short life with delight.
I wanted you so.
I wanted to see you, hold you, smell your sweet smell.
I dreamed of the day you would be born.
I dreamed of the little boy you would become.
I was unprepared to let you go.
Your life was like a vapor.
Here today, gone tomorrow.
Yet your memory lives on inside of me.
I will never let that go.

All that's left is a few blurry ultrasound pictures and sympathy cards.
Not much to commemorate a life.
Few know, fewer still remember.
But I remember. And I always will.
You are a part of me.
And I will hold you in my heart until the day I can hold you in my arms.